ok - so i leave for the airport at 6am and for some bloody reason [actually i can think of quite a few] i can't sleep. i watched the olympics for a while, repacked the bag that was packed already, reorganized my carry-on, did the whole 'wash my face, brush my teeth and prep for bed' thing... and i still can't sleep. it's not that i'm not tired - as i only got 4 hours of sleep last night, i'm truthfully quite exhausted... i'm just very sad... i'm leaving chris for four months, and honestly, it's killing me. it was terribly hard to be away from him for a month while i went to kuwait over the winter holiday, and i really cannot fathom four times as long without the person who keeps me sane and calm[-er than i would normally be].
in his blog today, chris mentioned how quiet the house when he got home from work - i think that i should have made a tape-recording of me having one of my famous freak-outs to make him feel more at home... maybe i'll send him a tape... i don't know... i'll think of something. i really do feel like i'm caught between a very large, jagged rock and a very hard, cold place... wanting desperately to go to rome, wanting to stay home just a little longer with chris... wanting my four months in rome to last as long as possible, wanting to come home as soon as possible. blah. this will pass, or at least get a little easier to bear, but i still don't have to like it and i don't think that i'm ever going to. i'm just not very good at being sad.... i'm also not so good at being without my flinstones kid...
no nugget tonight... i'll try for a juicy one hopefully tomorrow [i'll be in london, so i don't know if i'll be able to get to a computer... but i'll try my very best].
pleasant dreams... and a pleasant day to follow.