i have not been kidnapped, nor have i disappeared... i have just been suffering from an intense case of writer's block (i think).

apparently, i needed a break from my blog. this is the only logical explanation i can find for not posting in about a year (give or take)... and my apologies go out to anyone who missed my bitter diatribes.

i have had my fill of the sandbox (for more reasons than i would dare to bore you with) and i will be moving to stuttgart, germany in about a week. i am honestly a bit nervous about the whole thing, given that i speak about four words of german and my first visit to the country was about a month ago... taking that into account, i am extremely excited to start something new. i am also extremely excited to actually be working for architects - as i have been working for engineers parading around as architects for the last year and it is not so much fun. don't get me wrong - engineers are brilliant people... they just shouldn't ever run an architecture firm. engineering ≠ architecture. but that's just my humble, slightly naïve opinion.

story time - so, much of my architectural education was based on the ideal of 'form follows function' - it is a lovely ideal. it is an ideal to which, one would hope, architecture and architects should strive. imagine my surprise, when my boss - the head of a multi-million dollar project in dubai - went on a rant about how the 'form follows function' principle is just an outdated, unfashionable 'observation' made by an 'alcoholic american'. he made a particular effort to look at me - the only american in the office - as he said this. never mind that this principle was one of the foundations of the modern movement in architecture and design. and never mind that a significant number of famous architects, designers, painters, photographers, poets, what-have-you are/were committed and enthusiastic drinkers. when we (my colleagues and i) pointed these things out to him, he angrily dismissed us as young an idealistic. he told us that our opinions needed to be updated, because 'architecture should be made, regardless of function.' - let me point out that this 'function in any form' architecture is what typical developers strive for. not architects. this is not architecture... he continued to rant angrily at us. refusing to discuss the issue like a civilized, intelligent adult.

i was disgusted. outraged. disappointed. baffled. i was a lot of not-so-positive things at that moment... so much so, in fact, that i had to get up and walk out of the room to keep myself from exploding at him for being so dismissive and childish and bullheaded.
this was just the cherry on top of the icing on top of the cake that has made me want to leave this place. i do realize that not all companies in this booming metropolis put arrogant, (again) dismissive, thick-headed, money-grubbing, clueless bastards at the top of the decision-making hierarchy... but it's disheartening enough to make me want to get out of here as fast as i can.

it's the little things

so, dubai is in the desert and all... hence, a serious lack of precipitation and my incredible longing to go somewhere like seatlle or london, where it rains most of the time. i enjoy rain. snow. fog (when i don't have to drive and/or be driven through it). ice (again, with the driving).

long story short... it's actually raining in dubai. at this current moment. raining. a whole two months or so early for the raining season (if a few days to a week can actually be construed as a 'season'). i'm happy. i have little spots on my shirt because i have been frolicking in said rain. i'm childish... easily entertained... but it's really the little things that count. yeah.

on the brighter side of things...

... i have apparently poisoned myself. i have food poisoning (thankfully not too badly), but i feel as if i've been hit by a truck. fully loaded. going 150 mph. life's just peachy.

david slew goliath. he didn't kick the shit out of him.

i find myself becoming very angry, nay irate, very easily of late. you will probably find me , most often, brandishing beautifully-strung-together strings of curses that would make sailors blush. i have found that cursing - i mean cursing really well - is a cultivated art form. these kind of things take years of practice.

this highly valuable skill is typically demonstrated by unique combinations of curses or 'shockingly obscene phrases.' these, mind you, are typically accompanied by very vivid mental imagery that make people either a] cringe, b] blush, c] look around to see who else is listening to your filthy mouth, d] scoff, e] pretend they are offended because of their virgin ears, or f] cover their ears/mouth and gasp in utter amazement at the most disgusting/offensive thing they've ever heard.

i find it very funny that my favorite targets of these outbursts seem to be inanimate objects. these cannot, of course, react to my tirades and incessant hurling of insults, but it makes it no less entertaining. granted, the situations that cause me to erupt in profanity are not particularly pleasant, but the realization that i've just allowed myself to become irate with something that cannot respond to my blathering is always incredibly amusing in hindsight. especially if there happens to be someone else around to think i'm nuts to be screaming at something that couldn't give a rat's ass about my obvious frustration.

things i've screamed at lately: mostly at computers - for not doing exactly what i want them to do... they're intelligent machines... shouldn't they be able to read my mind by now? people driving like morons - this is not just an arkansas phenomenon... people here make arkansans look like pros. holy. mother. of god. my sunglasses, for fogging up when i walk outside into the sauna that is dubai. the cabinet doors that i - without fail - slam my head into as i try to get something off of the top shelf (which, by the way is designed for a giant).

and, of course, the walls that i run into... because, you know? it's most definitely the wall's fault that i'm so clumsy. they're not stationary or anything... i mean, you have to be very alert to avoid running, toe-first, into them.

take my advice and watch those walls. especially the corners... they're froggy.

bring your own party party

i'm a slacker... well, not really. i've been quite productive since the end of july... i got a great job and i've been working like a crazy lady. i'm actually getting to design things - not bathrooms or window frames - but towers. actual buildings on a real site with a real client. and stuff. woo.

i've also been working on my first commissioned painting - it's really nerve-wracking to think that someone is going to have my painting in their house. oh - and my camera is fixed (thank you, arun), so i will be posting photos of dubai and massundam really soon. sweet freaking action.

other than that, i've been hanging out at the beach - watching the sun rise over the burj al arab, going to the buddha bar, speeding around dubai in my sweet ass alfa romeo (yes, i'm renting it, but indulge me anyway). i cut off my hair... i'm kind of regretting it at the moment, given the humidity and my new afro. oh yeah, and sleeping. a lot. i'm still working on that whole recovering-from-five-years-of-sleep-deprivation thing.

life is sweet.

better with age... like fine wine or something to that effect

so, my first birthday in dubai... 23 years and counting. yeah.

i have had the most wonderfully super dooper day... all starting with a healthy dose of friday morning cartoons and very strong coffee. then i was schlepped to a wonderful dim sum place half-way across town where the wonderful owner gave me a jade good luck charm because i know chinese tea etiquette. then ice cream cake - chocolate with reese's peanut butter cups (sigh) - and presents... not to mention that i had 'happy birthday' sung to me in africanse for the first time. so freaking cool.

and to top off this splendiferous day, i have been so very touched by the amount of my friends half way across the planet who remembered my birthday... i have received some sort of ridiculous amount of happy birthday messages today... kinda makes me feel all warm and fuzzy on the inside. i love love love my friends and i thank all of them for remembering me... sincerely. thanks.

3 cheers for chocolate ice cream cake and warm-fuzzies.
cheers. cheers. cheers.

freedom is...

amazing! i got to see ursula rucker perform last night at evory lounge in the emirates mall last night. i was awestruck by her sincerity, her incredibly powerful lyrics, and her performance. most importantly, the message she had to send needed to be heard (check out the lyrics listed on her website).

i was, on the other hand, appalled by the behavior of the people in the club. i have never been so embarrassed to be part of an audience in my life. people wouldn't shut up... in fact, as soon as ursula began to sing/speak, they immediately turned up the volume. idiots were shouting at each other to be heard over her... ms. rucker just kept performing as if people weren't behaving like morons. i would have jumped off the stage and tackled the drunken idiots stumbling and screaming in front of the stage... but then again, i have no patience for inconsiderate morons. c'est la vie.

learning to lose the meaning

yes, i'm a slacker... but forgive me for not wanting to publicly vent my noxious frustration at my current lack of purpose. it's a strange down-shift... from being so busy i could hardly breathe to having absolutely nothing to do but sit helplessly/hopelessly in front of my (bad ass) computer and look for a job that i know - on the inside - isn't coming. i'm coming to grips with the fact that i am a woman in the middle east and for that, i will be forever looked down upon, forever undesirable in the workplace. c'est la vie, but i don't have to be happy about it.

i'm just waiting... waiting for the interviews that were scheduled and then delayed because of 'summer vacations,' waiting for my portfolio to come in the mail (even though it was mailed 'overnight' 3 weeks ago), waiting for the heat to subside, waiting to make some friends, waiting to have a chance to make some sort of positive difference, waiting to be not-miserable. waiting. waiting. waiting. and i'm running out of patience.

vanno gli azzurri!!!

hell yes! the beautiful italians won the world cup!!! omigod... when they went to penalties, i thought i was going to have a heart attack! i have been bantering with people since last week about how the italians were going to win the cup... and they did! i am just so sorry to see zidane go out of his amazing career in such a disgrace. his is an amazing athlete and i can only hope that he isn't remembered for this fault, but for his amazing skill in the game of soccer...

anywho... va italia!!! i sweated the match out, outside in dubai, in my infamous italia sweatshirt... and it was completely worth every sweaty second!!!

part-time pirate

apparently, my interview didn't go as well as i thought, as i've heard nothing. no. thing. at. all. yours truly isn't suited for this whole interview-thing... patience is not a virtue i possess... and i also lack the self-restraint necessary not to tell someone to 'piss off' for being so rude as to not even send me an email telling me to bugger off. c'est la vie. i am applying at other firms. i'm sick of waiting for people who obviously lack the common decency to communicate.

i'm becoming slightly stir-crazy. i don't do well when i have nothing to do, and one can only do research for so long without going a little batty. i have no car of my own, nothing to do, no one i know here (other than my father), it's too freaking hot to get myself lost (not to mention that it would take me hours to walk to downtown), and i'm flat broke. all i want is to get a job so that i can at least have the means to start exploring this beautiful city... so i can stop being a mooch... so i can use the bleeding skills i spent five f#$%ing years cultivating in my own, personal hell - better known as architecture school.

and to make things worse, i have no one to talk to about this - hence the venting session on the internet. voi la.