learning to lose the meaning

yes, i'm a slacker... but forgive me for not wanting to publicly vent my noxious frustration at my current lack of purpose. it's a strange down-shift... from being so busy i could hardly breathe to having absolutely nothing to do but sit helplessly/hopelessly in front of my (bad ass) computer and look for a job that i know - on the inside - isn't coming. i'm coming to grips with the fact that i am a woman in the middle east and for that, i will be forever looked down upon, forever undesirable in the workplace. c'est la vie, but i don't have to be happy about it.

i'm just waiting... waiting for the interviews that were scheduled and then delayed because of 'summer vacations,' waiting for my portfolio to come in the mail (even though it was mailed 'overnight' 3 weeks ago), waiting for the heat to subside, waiting to make some friends, waiting to have a chance to make some sort of positive difference, waiting to be not-miserable. waiting. waiting. waiting. and i'm running out of patience.

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