20050423

there is madness in this silence

i thought that staring at my screen/keyboard for a few minutes would trigger some stroke of genius, however, no such stroke has manifested yet. i felt guilty, not having posted in quite some time, but with it being crunchy time [the week before my final critiques and whatnot], my life is full of busy nothings - more busy than nothing, really.

some might find it interesting/amusing to know that i have already cut myself twice while trying to build models for said critique... some might also find it interesting that i have also bruised both of my hands in a futile attempt to 'nip' stone to make a mosaic... but most people would find this mind-numbingly dull, so i'll save you the excruciating boredom of having to read about it.

yup, my life will be boring for a while... at least for the next ten days - unless there is some juicy studio drama that unfolds that i can share with you here at idontliketowearshoes [i.e. someone losing a digit to the dreaded x-acto blade, nervous breakdowns, drunken mishaps in the studio - you know, your basic pre-critique nonsense]. however, i'm not holding my breath - lack of oxygen tends to make it rather difficult to work...

20050418

worry not, there is plenty of pain left to last you...

i have succeeded in digging myself into a gigantic hole - a pit, chasm, canyon, if you will - using, not a shovel, but a back hoe. it seems that i have landed in quite the predicament... being that i most likely will not catch up with all of the tasks that i am supposed to complete prior to the completion of this lovely semester [you're swimming in sarcasm, once again], should i just give up now and bask in my utter failure? or should i continue to try my damnedest to whittle away at what is left of my sanity [i'm running rather dry on my share of sanity at the moment]?

i say, 'ha. i defy you, sanity. i can do without you... i will most likely have more fun without you... who needs sanity anyway - i can now have a wonderfully viable excuse to make a complete ass out of myself on a regular basis ['you see, she's just crazy... pay no attention to her'].'

20050416

it ain't headin' up no more...

maybe it's that i haven't lived in the south for very long, maybe i need to loosen up or some such nonsense, but 'southern speak' is so very strange to me... it always amazes me how most incredibly intelligent people can sound so very ignorant when speaking 'southern.' one of my very close friends, probably the most intelligent person i have ever encountered in my lifetime - during a very theoretical conversation - said that he 'didn't reckon that [something] was true'... it just really baffled me how i had never ever expected that phrase to come from his mouth... reckon...

mind you, i am from the south - born in texas and whatnot - but the only real southern expressions i use are mam, sir, and [on occasion] y'all. ain't, double negatives, reckon, 'figur' [figure], j'eet yet? [have you eaten yet?], 'moungry' [i'm hungry], 'fixin' tuh' [about to], etc. haven't really found their way into my vocabulary as of the present moment and will hopefully take the subtle hint that they are not invited into my vocabulary any time soon...

i have no qualms with people who speak 'southern' - as a matter of fact, most of my very closest friends and family are so southern that it could be said that they speak an entirely different language - i just find that 'southern' doesn't really facilitate my manner of expression very well...

i have no idea where i was going with this at all... but i've spent the last hour or so contemplating the oddity of 'southern speak' and how it tends to just pop up out of nowhere, like daisies in the snow... at least 'southern' isn't irritating... just ever so wonderfully amusing - like mullets [another southern phenomenon]... they never fail to bring a smile to my face.

20050413

i ranched up all over my pants...

tuna fish sandwiches and guacamole... the dinner of champions who like to puke all over themselves... actually, i didn't puke; i just wanted to after i realized what i had just eaten for dinner. this has to be one of the strangest food combinations that i have consumed in a really long time.

it actually reminds me of the milk chug that i was idiotic enough to participate in during my first year of architecture school... dear god, have i come a long way [at least i would like to think that my having developed the sense to not try to make myself vomit on purpose is 'a long way']. what is a milk chug? one could ask. let me lay it all out there for ya'...

during a milk chug, one is required to down an entire gallon of milk in an hour or less... now, this really is much more difficult than one would imagine... given that after you finish about half of a gallon, your body kind of decides to hate you, your stomach deciding that it would much rather act like a tiny lil' version of mount saint helens on a bad day than just cooperate with you in your stupid stunt...

the 3 most important milk chug ground rules:
1. absolutely no skim milk... 2% milk can be acceptable, as long as you are willing to live with the fact that you're a wuss...
2. you may not - at any time during the given hour of the milk chug - vomit on any of the other idiots chugging milk with you. it happens, but it's just not good practice to throw up on people that you are a] friends with, b] working with or, c] stuck in a studio with for the next 5 years of your life. people tend to dislike 'involuntary protein spill' all over them...
3. someone must videotape/record the moronic event so that the participants can look back and enjoy how stupid they once were/still are... recordings can also be used as a valuable blackmail tool later in life...

got milk?

20050411

you smell like a cupcake...

lovely evening here in fayetteville, arkansas... david sedaris graced the stage at the walton arts center tonight and most definitely made my day. his presentation was utterly hilarious - as it was last year - and i was really pleased to see that when he read some rather racy bits, the high-brow people in the audience found humor in it, laughed at it instead of tut-tut-tutting it... twas positively delightful. i just kept wondering - having noticed a few red-cheeked teenagerish-looking folk in the audience - if parents covered their children's ears when mr. sedaris said 'fuckie-fuck,' 'shit,' and 'cocksucker' repeatedly... complete with a description of a 1970's animal porn magazine that his sister had picked up somewhere... i kept thinking to myself: how would i have reacted - at, say, 13 - if i'd heard an extremely humorous recounting of animal porn? would i have been horrified... wait... i would have been 13, right? so i would have probably pissed my pants from laughing uncontrollably and then i would have tried [and failed] to recount it the following day: '... look at all of the mud on the carpet... that's the number one reason not to blow a horse in your bedroom...'

aside from the funny, i was really excited by the fact that david sedaris has published a new book, children playing before a statue of hercules, an anthology of mr. sedaris' favorite short stories; the most wonderful part - aside from a collection of great literature - is that the proceeds of the book go to benefit 826 national, an organization that helps teach 8-18-year-olds to write... even better, 826 valencia is fronted by a pirate supply store and 826 nyc is fronted by a super hero supply store... so, not only are these kiddies getting the chance of a lifetime - getting to have a writing workshop with pulitzer prize winners and such - but they can outfit their own gang of superheroes and pirates at the same time... woo.

20050409

how am i not myself?

ok, so when i say 'i'll post something tomorrow,' i really mean 'i'll post something whenever i can get to a computer and actually remember to post something.' ...

today is an absolutely gorgeous day. this - of course - means that i am stuck in the basement of vol walker hall - again - breathing in noxious fumes, trying to figure out why all computers/machines hate me with such a fiery passion and missing out on yet another park-worthy day/baseball game. my consolation prize can be that i did get to go to the game last night and watch the razorbacks beat 'vandie' [vanderbilt] 6-5... and a lovely evening it was.

i went to a lecture the other night, during which the speaker stated that he has observed a rise in psychological unbalance in society - low-grade cases of schizophrenia popping up everywhere. take - as per his example - road rage. why is it that perfectly balanced people go bat-shit-crazy in their cars? i mean, people absolutely lose their shit behind the wheel over the dumbest junk... granted, i'm not saying that i'm any sort of saint in this matter: people who drive 10mph under the speed limit because they feel like it really piss me off... people who apparently received their driver's license as a cracker jack prize also ruffle my feathers... people who drive their humvies and suburbans like they're driving a miata - you know, the people who can't decide if if would be easier to try and sqeeze into the left lane or the right lane, so they just straddle both? - should be forbidden from getting behind the wheel [this also applies to parking: if your fat ass vehicle can't fit into a parking spot, maybe you should reconsider your method of automotive transport]...

lately, i've just been laughing hysterically at just how poorly people drive - which probably makes me look even more insane than just flipping out in my car, arms flailing everywhere and getting all red-faced and frustrated and whatnot...

'yeah, so there's this girl behind me that is just laughing her ass off for no apparent reason whatsoever... what a crazy___ ['fill in the blank with a good thing to fill in'].'

20050404

chocolate-shaped hippos

miss me? i've been in the middle of nowhere for the past week... [i.e. no internet access]. i thought that i'd post a little 'whatnot' to say, 'yes, i am still alive [although i highly doubt that this has been questioned within the past week...]. yes - for all of you interactive-post-fans - this post will be interactive. yes, i will post something tomorrow. yes, i will try my very best to make is somewhat clever/witty... i can't make any guarantees though. and yes, i am going to sleep now. why? because i'm a wimp and i like to sleep.'

three cheers for sleeping in your own bed! [hint: this is the interactive part...] hip hip hooray! hip hip hooray! hip hip hooray!

that's enough cheering for one night. now go to sleep, you hooligans.