... exercising my right to be bendy... it's in the constitution. except in texas...

i'm an addict. that's right, i said it. i am a book addict... call me a nerd. call me what you will... but i simply cannot walk into a bookstore without having a deer-in-the-headlights-type moment and/or without buying something. hey, at least i'm not spending my limited cash supply on crack or whatever those crazy kids are smoking these days... i realized that i had this problem a while ago, but i was broke and would much rather do things like buy food and such [i.e. things that keep one alive] and books just didn't seem to be an option. my friend, nine, decided that tonight would be a good night for a bookstore trip... bad for my health. bad for my anorexic wallet... good for my brain, i guess [one needs to look on the bright side of these things... particularly when one's cash flow is on the point of drought].

speaking of brain... my roommate, camille, receives the newspaper everyday... and i read it. oh yeah... there's some pretty messed up shit happenin' in this here bible belt... pretty twisted and pretty entertaining. what more could one possibly ask for in a paper product? not much, that's what. for instance, i found out that one of my co-workers was arrested for possession with intent to sell on the 8th of july in benton county arkansas by the sheriff's department. now where else could i learn such valuable information? nowhere... well, unless i had connections in the sheriff's department and i don't... so, thank you newspaper. thank you from the bottom of my little heart.

did you know that here in the baptist capital of the world, if one so much as breathes out of the wrong nostril, it gets printed in the newspaper? if one commits a social faux pas... it gets printed in the newspaper. if one were to - say - go to dickson street [the bar-hopping zone of fair fayetteville], trip on the sidewalk and fall on one's face, it would probably be printed in the newspaper, along with pictures of said event - just so that the humiliation can be all the more semi-permanent.

is it really front page news that jane doe runs a sewing club from her lakefront cottage in northwest arkansas? do i really need to read about that stuff when i am eating my cereal, drinking my coffee and trying to feed my brain with today's current world events in the morning... no? no. while it's grand and all... i don't need to know. why - you ask - don't i just turn on the tv and watch the bbc or some other comparable network? because i'm poor and can't afford cable. that's why... [thought that i'd drop the hint that i'm seeking funding and donations are welcome once more before i finish this post... hint hint wink wink nudge nudge...]

i'm spent... on the morrow, then, kiddies?

1 comment:

honestyrain said...

natalie! back from the beyond!

newspapers bother me because of their choppy sentences, their refusal to take a side and the way they get my hands all dirty for no reason when they could just be clean like everything else.