new things in a kind of in-between

radio silence is over.

in the midst of a time of immense changes in my life (preparing to change careers, change countries, change my health... for the better, i hope), i got laid off. yes, i am now just another unemployed architect... i have never been more glad (read: bitter) about spending five years stumbling through (read: torturing myself with) architecture school at the cost of my health, normal sleep schedule, some semblance of a social life, and - possibly - most of my sanity.

needless to say, i have been dealing with some pretty ridiculous emotional ups and downs this month - one of the primary reasons i have not posted anything in a while - i am not quite off of the roller coaster, but i am resolved to have more positive days than negative ones. i realize that things could really be so much worse (after two appeals and a lot of fighting with bureaucrats, i have been deemed eligible for unemployment benefits in germany, and i can still keep my health insurance... which is a huge weight off of my shoulders right now), and i am determined to remind myself that i just need to keep fighting in order to make things better.

i am a stubborn little shit and i do not give up (which is both a positive and negative thing)... and i prefer to keep smiling through the pain than to dwell and be broody about things that have already happened (<-- definitely not so much my style).

so, while i am waiting to hear back regarding my graduate school application, i am working part time at an ice cream parlor (in a weird mix of italian, german, and english... my brain feels like soup at the end of the day) and am focusing on doing the things i have always wanted to do here in stuttgart but have never found the time to do (i.e. touristy nonsense, laying in the sun in the park with a good book and a beer, going for a run in the forest every day, going to the theatah and the operrrra, brushing up on the languages i have learned but recently forgotten, etc.).

i have booked a flight to return me to the states, regardless of grad school admissions, at the beginning of august. it's a little terrifying and a lot exhilarating to be making such a big change once again. i have no idea what i will be doing at the end of the summer or where exactly i will end up... but i am ridiculously excited to find out what is to come.



Jamie Parfitt said...

I wondered why your last post said you worked in an ice cream parlor! The mix of languages making your brain mush is probably the most tiring part of the day, isn't it. Better watch that beer. You will gain weight!

denicekimberly said...

Natalie! It's honesty*rain! Long time no been here! I've started having more time to read blogs and am happy to be back reading you :)

my son (almost 9) was at a birthday party today where they got glow bracelets. One boy's dad came to get him at the end with the little sister (who was about 3) and my son overheard her say that she wished she could have a bracelet. My son came over and said he wanted to give his to her so i said go ahead. He went over and offered it to her and the dad was absolutely overjoyed at his generosity. He asked my son's name and said he was so kind and thoughtful. it was a small gesture but could tell that it made this man's day to see a child be spontaneously generous. i was naturally very proud.

i am following you on twitter now - i'm denicekimberly :)