radio silence is over.
in the midst of a time of immense changes in my life (preparing to change careers, change countries, change my health... for the better, i hope), i got laid off. yes, i am now just another unemployed architect... i have never been more glad (read: bitter) about spending five years stumbling through (read: torturing myself with) architecture school at the cost of my health, normal sleep schedule, some semblance of a social life, and - possibly - most of my sanity.
needless to say, i have been dealing with some pretty ridiculous emotional ups and downs this month - one of the primary reasons i have not posted anything in a while - i am not quite off of the roller coaster, but i am resolved to have more positive days than negative ones. i realize that things could really be so much worse (after two appeals and a lot of fighting with bureaucrats, i have been deemed eligible for unemployment benefits in germany, and i can still keep my health insurance... which is a huge weight off of my shoulders right now), and i am determined to remind myself that i just need to keep fighting in order to make things better.
i am a stubborn little shit and i do not give up (which is both a positive and negative thing)... and i prefer to keep smiling through the pain than to dwell and be broody about things that have already happened (<-- definitely not so much my style).
so, while i am waiting to hear back regarding my graduate school application, i am working part time at an ice cream parlor (in a weird mix of italian, german, and english... my brain feels like soup at the end of the day) and am focusing on doing the things i have always wanted to do here in stuttgart but have never found the time to do (i.e. touristy nonsense, laying in the sun in the park with a good book and a beer, going for a run in the forest every day, going to the theatah and the operrrra, brushing up on the languages i have learned but recently forgotten, etc.).
i have booked a flight to return me to the states, regardless of grad school admissions, at the beginning of august. it's a little terrifying and a lot exhilarating to be making such a big change once again. i have no idea what i will be doing at the end of the summer or where exactly i will end up... but i am ridiculously excited to find out what is to come.